I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
