So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
