im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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