she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she told me i tasted like america
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
