but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize