i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
