can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
