wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
