I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
