Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize
