Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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