when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
