I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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