Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
sex in a hospital.. check
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
