Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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