Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
