if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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