fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
