10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
