Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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