i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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