He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
