Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
