I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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