Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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