I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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