i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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