and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
