Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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