if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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