what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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