I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
