ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
