it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize