So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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