I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
