sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
