MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
