can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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