im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Someone shit on the floor
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
