drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize