So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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