Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
