There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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