I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
