the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
