just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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