connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
