Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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