I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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