remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I will pee on everything he values.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
