Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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