my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
where am i from again
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
