just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She's the barista slut.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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