Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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