Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
did i just pee glitter
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
