I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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