I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
