Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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