you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
