i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
