Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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