i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize