i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
