I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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