Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
