Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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