he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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