3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hippo gnu deer
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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