Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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