Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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